We Found A Wrench
by Aerith The Evenstar
Summary: An idea I got when my dad meantion 'The Life Of Brian' when we were watching the scene where the Autobots were hiding in Sam's yard. Has a few twists to it but I tried.


AN: This is my first Transformers fan fic. I got this idea when my dad mention a part in 'The Life Of Brian' by Monty Python, where they're hiding from the Romans in Matthias' house, when we were watching the 'Transformers movie' (2007) and it was at the scene where the Autobots were in Sam's yard hiding. So I thought 'hey, that might make a funny fan fic for people to read, why not write it?' So the result ended up being this fic that you might be reading.

Declaimer: I don't own Transformers, Hasbro does. If I did I would be rich enough to by myself a camaro that looks like Bumblebee and drive it all over the place.

Enjoy!

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**We Found A Wrench**

**Cast**

**Francis - Prowl**

**Xerxes - Optimus Prime**

**Reg - Ironhide**

**Matthias - Sam Witwicky**

**Loretta - Hot Shot**

**Commando:**

**#1 - Sunstreaker**

**#2 - Sideswipe**

**#3 - Jazz**

**Judith - Ratchet**

**Brian - Bumblebee**

**Centurion - Agent Simmons**

**Sergeant - Sector 7 Guard**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------**

Part 1

The Commandos

The Autobots were at Sam's house trying to figure out a plan to overthrow the Decepticon Imperial Empire. At the moment, Prowl was standing in front of a map, already dicussing a plan to all the other Autobots.

Prowl: We're gettin' in through the underground heating system here, up through into the main audience chamber here, and Megatron's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Megatron that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?

Optimus: What exactly are the demands?

Ironhide: We're giving Megatron two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Decepticon Imperialist State, and if he doesn't agree immediately, we offline her.

Sam: Blast her head off?

Prowl: Blast all her bits off. Send 'em back on the hour every hour. Show them we're not to be trifled with.

Ironhide: And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we shoot her up, and that we shall not submit to blackmail!

Commandos: No blackmail!

Ironhide: They've bled us white, the glitches. They've taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers' fathers.

Hot Shot: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.

Ironhide: Yeah.

Hot Shot: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.

Ironhide: Yeah. All right, Hot Shot. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?!

Optimus: The energonduct?

Ironhide: What?

Optimus: The energonduct.

Ironhide: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that's true. Yeah.

Jazz: And the sanitation.

Hot Shot: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Ironhide. Remember what the city used to be like?

Ironhide: Yeah. All right. I'll grant you the energonduct and the sanitation are two things that the Decepticons have done.

Sam: And the warp gates.

Ironhide: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the warp gates go without saying, don't they? But apart from the sanitation, the energonduct, and the warp gates--

Commandos: Irrigation.

Optimus: Repair parts.

Commados: Huh? Heh? Huh...

Sideswipe: Education.

Commandos: Ohh...

Ironhide: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.

Sunstreaker: And the high-grade energon.

Commandos: Oh, yes. Yeah...

Prowl: Yeah. Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, Ironhide, if the Decepticons left. Huh.

Commandos: Public baths.

Hot Shot: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Ironhide.

Prowl: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it. They're the only ones who could in a place like this.

Commandos: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Ironhide: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the repair parts, education, high-grade energon, public order, irrigation, warp gates, a fresh energon system, and public health, what have the Decepticon ever done for us?

Optimus: Brought peace.

Ironhide: Oh. Peace? Shut up!

[bam bam bam bam bam bam bam

[bam bam bam bam bam

There was knocking at the door. The Autobots started to frantically find a hiding place. Optimus hid behind the fountain in Sam's yard, and the other Autobots hid in places that barely hid them from human eyes.

Sam started to go over to the front putting on an act in case it was a certain someone unwanted.

Sam: I'm just a kid. My eyes sting from being hit. My legs are sore, and--

Just then Ratchet came into view with Bumblebee following behind him.

Ratchet: It's all right, Sam.

Sam turned to the other Autobots.

Sam: It's all clear.

Ratchet[looks around for a hidden Autobot Well, where's Ironhide?

Prowl: Oh, Ironhide. Ironhide, it's Ratchet.

Ironhide: What went wrong?

Ratchet: The first blow has been struck!

Ironhide: Did he finish the slogan?

Ratchet: A hundred times, in letters ten foot high, all the way around the palace!

Ironhide: Oh, great. Great. We-- we need doers in our movement, Bumblebee, but... before you join us, know this: there is not one of us here who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Decepticons once and for all.

Commandos: Uhh. Well, one.

Ironhide: Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's one, but otherwise, we're solid. Are you with us?

Bumblebee: Yes!

Ironhide: From now on, you shall be called 'Bumblebee that is called Bumblebee'. Tell him about the raid on Megatron's palace, Prowl.

Prowl: Right. This is the plan...

Part 2

Sector 7 Search Sam's House

After the attempt of capturing Megatron's wife ending up in failure, the Autobots came back to Sam's House to hide for awhile. They started to list their fellow mech that were either missing or dead.

Ironhide: Landmine.

Hot Shot: Landmine.

Prowl: Blurr.

Ironhide: Blurr.

Hot Shot: Blurr.

Prowl: Jetfire.

Ironhide: Jetfire.

Hot Shot: Jetfire.

Prowl: Dinobots.

Ironhide: Dinobots.

Hot Shot: Dinobots.

Prowl: And Bumblebee.

Ironhide: And Bumblebee.

Hot Shot: And Bumblebee.

Ironhide: I now propose that all seven of these ex-brothers be now entered in the earth minutes as probationary martyrs to the cause.

Hot Shot: I second that, Ironhide.

Ironhide: Thank you, Hot Shot. On the nod. Siblings [thump Let us not be down-sparked. One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning! Their glorious deaths shall unite us all in a--

Sam[Runs in Look out!

Bumblebee then comes into the backyard.

Bumblebee: Hello? Sam! Ironhide!

Ironhide: Go away!

Bumblebee: Hm? Ironhide, it's me, Bumblebee!

Ironhide[Trying to get Bumblebee off him Get off! Get off out of it!

Bumblebee: Hot Shot!

Hot Shot: Slag off.

Optimus: Yeah, slag off!

Ironhide: Slag off.

[bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam

Ironhide: Ohh,...

[bam bam bam bam bam

Ironhide: ...frag!

[bam

Knocking at the door, the Autobots started hiding in places that made them stand out.

Bumblebee: Uhh. [hides in a tree.

Sam: Coming!

[bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam

[bam bam bam bam bam bam

The knocking became persistant.

Sam[Opens door My eyes sting from being hit.

Agent Simmons: Are you Sam Wickity?

Sam: It's 'Witwicky', and yes.

Agent Simmons: We have reason to believe you may be hiding one Bumblebee of Cybertron, a member of the terrorist organization, the 'Mech's Front of Cybertron'.

Sam: Me? No. I'm just a kid. I have no time for law-breakers. My legs are sore. My ears are cold. My eyes sting from being hit in the face by Trent.

Agent Simmons: Quiet! Silly person. Guards! Search the house.

[clomp clomp clomp... Guards start running into the backyard in search for Bumblebee and the Autobots.

Agent Simmons: You know the penalty laid down by the law for harbouring a known criminal?

Sam: No.

Agent Simmons: Execution.

Sam: Oh.

Agent Simmons: Nasty, eh?

Sam: Hm. Could be worse.

Agent Simmons: What do you mean, 'could be worse'?

Sam: Well, you could be shot.

Agent Simmons: Shot? Takes a second. Executions lasts hours! It's a slow, horrible death!

Sam: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.

Agent Simmons: You're weird.

[clomp clomp clomp... Guards come back out. One stops to talk to Agent Simmons.

Sector 7 Guard: No, sir. Couldn't find anything, sir.

Agent Simmons: But don't worry! You've not seen the last of us, weirdo.

Sam: Big Nose.

Agent Simmons: Watch it.

Sam: Phew, that was lucky.

Bumblebee [Coming out of the tree I'm sorry, Ironhide.

Ironhide: Ohhh, it's all right, siblings. He's sorry. He's sorry he led the Fifth Legion straight to our official headquarters. Well, that's all right, then, Bumblebee. Sit down. Have some high-grade energon. Make yourself at home. You klutz! You stupid, bird-brained, flat-headed--

Door knocking - [bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam

All the Autobots start hiding and Bumblebee goes back into hiding in the tree.

Tree branch - [creak crack

Door - [bam bam bam bam bam bam

Sam[Opens door My legs are sore. My ears are freezing. Yes?

Agent Simmons[walking in There's one place we didn't look. Guards!

Sam: I'm just a kid.

Guards running in - [clomp clomp clomp...

Sam: My eyes are stinging. My nose is stuffy.

Agent Simmons: Have you ever seen anyone executed?

Sam: Execution's a doddle.

Agent Simmons: Don't keep saying that.

[clomp clomp clomp...

Sector 7 Guard[Holds wrench in hand Found this wrench, sir.

Agent Simmons: Well done, Sergeant! We'll be back, oddball.

Everyone came out of hiding. Ratchet looked like he was going to explode.

Ratchet: Those Pit borns took my wrench!

Optimus: Calm down Ratchet. We can always get another wrench for you.

Ratchet: But that was my favorite wrench [starts crying a river like a little kid

Door knocking - [bam bam bam bam bam

Agent Simmons: Open up!

Everyone looks shocked.

Sam: You haven't given us time to hide.

Tree branch - [crack crack - Tree branch breaks

Bumblebee[Falling out of the tree Aaaaah!

Falls to the ground and makes the ground shake from the impact. With the sacrifice of Ratchet losing his beloved wrench (he's still crying about that though) they were able to not be discovered in order to finish their mission to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons.

**The End**

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ATE: What do you think. It may be crappy but I tried. Please Review. 


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